Lalala.. oh well?

I can't believe I talked about him. In a public blog. That I posted on Facebook. He saw it, I know it... It's going to be SO awkward tomorrow if he did see it. But, he'll need to know. Li,e, I'm not going to tell him in his face! How would it go?  "Hey, I know we broke up a year ago but I still have feelings for you." Uhm, NO. I'll get rejected then I'll have to go through another depressing stage: Classical music, posting stupid, sappy love songs on Facebook, Taylor Swift lyrics that totally understand me.. No way. I'm just going to suck it up and stop waiting for somethings that not going to happen...If he wants me back, he'll tell me. Which is 0.50% chance he will. Unless he's reading this blog post and rethinking the whole thing? (I'm kidding...)  But yeah, tomorrow I'm going to act like nothing happened. What is typed in the blog, stays in the blog. Yeah. That'll do.
Oh, wow. I just forgot to add something...to the previous post.
I still have the corsage he gave me! I remembered smelling the white roses everyday before I went to bed.  Now I look up to the shelf and see the delicate crumpled roses. If I touched them... they could crumple into pieces.. So I just leave them sitting up there next to my prized photography projects.. Haha.
Haha I''m going to go on to a boy-hating topic up next.... Don't want to put it on this post.. Cause I don't hate him.

Pigskin: Fall Formal

I remember him asking me by a passed note.. if I wanted to go with him, "as friends" i was so thrilled.. but disappointed at the as friends part. I remember the handshake he gave my dad and formally asking him for permission to take me to the dance. I remember picking out my dress...I remember my cousin, Angel, putting make up on me and doing my hair. I remember zooming to Safeway to get his boutonniere last minute. I remember walking into my friends house, all of them smiling at me with their dates. I remember spotting him first. I remember him giving me this gorgeous corsage. I remember us eating at Velvet Grill then taking our photos. The pigskin photos he ordered.. that I finally picked up, To this day he has no idea I have them. I'm afraid giving it to him because one: It was from a year ago. Two: I think he'll have me keep them anyway... It'd be embarrassing too! He doesn't have feeling for me anymore.. that I know of? 

~

The saddest and disgusting thing about the modern world right now.....Modern dancing: grinding. Gross. Just the name of it! Belch.. No, dancing, is  beautiful. But when it comes to high school dances, I literally wanted to run out. But I really liked my date so I stayed. 

But, I gotta admit... It's HILARIOUS to watch. Both the girl and the boy looks bored outta their minds when they do it. 

I mean, dancing is supposed to be FUN. Also, you are supposed to be looking at each other! It's just wrong! 

How do girls deal with a guy rubbing against her back?? Just think about it: GROSS. Every girl should act like a lady not a ______! [fill-in-the-blank] 

Perverted people invented this so-called dancing and somehow made it popular. 

Just thinking about dancing with a guy like that makes SO disgusted. 

So How did the dance end up? Horribly. We just stood there... We danced like they would in the 60's.. got teased at.. which of course, made us stop. 

~

But thank you God for keeping one traditional dance alive: slow dancing. Ah, slow dancing with a guy you love is soo amazing. I LOVE slow dancing. I mean Wrapped up in each other's arms and all hugging/dancing.. It's cute!

So there we were.. all peaceful, (I won't ever forget that moment) Then *record scratch* the pathetic noise came back on, ruining the moment. I feel so bad! Like, he wanted to dance and he was a good dancer in general, not all like: slight hand bang to the beat, little shuffle.. but he danced. It's so funny thinking about that again. It's hilarious, you'd think the girl is a better dancer than the guy. But no! I was the loser who hated dancing. But now that I think about it, I wish I could make it up for him. I was just a freshman then, all shy and blushing 24/7.. But now I'm more outgoing, I can actually talk to strangers without blushing madly! thinking about us just standing there like weirdos... watching other people have a blast.. the poor guy must've been bored out of his mind. I feel so bad! To this day! (Obviously) But, he was being a gentlemen (that are now oh-so-rare) and gave me his tuxedo jacket and walked me home. Leaving me wishing he gave me my first kiss. He left me there with a permanent memory and a photo of us. 

Pigskin's coming up this year. Knowing he's going with another girl.. I miss him, but, I hope that girl will make up the boredom he has had with me.

I can't even believe I'm writing all of this... I'm worried he'll read this..  But It's all good because I know. I know humans move on to better lives. Guys like him shouldn't be pulled down because of a girl like me. Like that cliche quote: If you really love somebody, you'll let them go. That's what I'm doing.  

 

But there's Miranda for you! Pouring out her thoughts on a public blog that maybe, just maybe, he'll read.